Alongside Accessible Media Inc. and Lynn Matheson, I helped produce this episode of Our Community.
More Than a Drive showcases the tireless and dedicated work of MusGo Rider.
I spent the better of two decades telling myself University was not for someone like me.
I thought finances, intellect, individuality, and worthiness were beyond my means.
Was this because of my conservative upbringing, where women were often pigeonholed as the caregivers of their families while the men worked? Was this because of the teachers who saw my marks and considered me a lost cause? Or was this a lie of my own making?
The unwinding of these self-restrictive thoughts continues, but their hold on me does not.
Sitting in the lecture hall of the Unversity of Kings College on the first day of my master’s education earlier this year, I was struck by how, rather than standing out as an odd duck, I was simply normal.
A storyteller and producer who knew and had honed her craft and was ready to refine it to it’s next level.
“Storytelling is your power and home here.” Gillian Turnbull - Director of Writing and Publishing, University of Kings College
Back to school is not just an ‘era’; it is coming home to the side of myself that I had believed I needed to hide. The side that intuitively knows the heartbeat and cadence of the scene, can break down story and character development without blinking and is more knowledgeable about the craft of the story than she lets on. The side that spins words to find healing and wholeness, the side that digs deeper into the personal to dig deeper in the relational. The side that knows that the craft of writing is a craft that can build bridges as quickly as it can burn them.
To the side of myself I had let collect dust and believed was put to bed for good, I say welcome home.
You belong here.
Our Knots are showing.
A Threads Project
I’ve been picking at the threads…
I didn’t realize there were so many.
- A Threads Project
byamygrace
Sitting in Alumni Hall, taking notes from brilliant local and national minds, swapping thoughts and texts with fellow writers and students, clicking laptop keys and hastily scratching pens…Residency was everything I could have wanted and then some.
We don’t often consider the true value of an academic journey when we are inside it as a young person. We are too busy striving to succeed and get to whatever we believe that-next-something needs to be.
I am reminding myself to stay in the moment I am in.
Soaking it all in.
One word and one sentence at a time.
Highlights / Notations to remember
The chocolate tin was a great idea. (stay stocked up for motivation through the late afternoon lectures.)
Keep documenting the little funny things in your path. (The poetic epitaphs carved into desks, the random condom in the back of a lecture hall, and the way your fitness watch alerted you to breathe deeply when you got nervous before pitching to a director)
On the ‘day off,’ block off a full morning, afternoon, or evening to rest. (a two-hour nap is not enough recharge time.)
Plan to skip something small on day seven. Don’t feel guilty; your nervous system needs a reset by this time.
Pre-schedule / book a hot yoga session for your first day back to normal living. (You’ll feel good just knowing it’s coming)
Keep up those morning walks, no matter how early you have to wake up for them. (Truly, they kept you sane!)
Stay aware and open to the students around you. (reach out to the person overwhelmed in the corner, listen to the project concept of the other writers, ask how others are doing, share insight and ideas where helpful and stay open to what you may not understand.)
And document the normal things. (Capture that rainbow on the first evening, the way the rain splattered at your feet, the debrief voice memos with your friends, the lectures, the way your desk looked, and the way the sun lit up the campus.)
Do as much as you can. Enjoy the whole process. You’ll only be doing this MFA once.
Enjoy every single damn second.
Why?
If you are anything like me, I often live in the future. I plan, aim, and predict while life is playing out in front of me.
An act of symbolism and ritual anchors me in the moment.
Setting a wild yet attainable goal often gives me purpose and something to live for in the every day, keeping me anchored. Yet so often, once I have reached that goal, I am busy planning the next one and not savouring the moment as I should.
Leaving an Ace card behind gives me the opportunity to savour what has been achieved. It is a tangible, personal way I can honour the moment without too much planning or fanfare.
How?
Be as simple and understated or as extravagant and bold with your chosen location.
A simple ‘pull it out of your pocket’ and leave it on the seat behind you where your goal/moment occurred, or a lipstick kiss implanted on the card while you slip it between memos for someone to find after you receive that raise…
It’s all up to you.
***I plan to leave one behind at a specific location very, very soon. Although they have been alerted of our plans for change, this is a symbolic gesture that we did what we needed to do for ourselves as a family.
It was an exploration journey of what else might be out there that evolved into a new adventure and an ace card is soon to be played - left behind in a crevice somewhere as a token of bravery and determination.
The Ace Dare
How to Take the Dare
The Ace Dare Journal Prompts
Although I knew the summer semester began at the top of May with incoming assignments, essays, lectures, readings, responses, etc. I wasn’t sure how soon they would kick in before the June residency. Turns out, it started right away.
As I have adjusted to tackling deadlines, readings, lectures, etc., I have identified some things I plan to take with me on my MFA journey.
Changes I am making:
Time Blocking
Rather than freaking out about the reading list, assignments, word count goals and meetings coming in fast, I am taking a day or two to process new information and then carefully break it down into reasonable chunks to tackle each week.
This doesn’t mean I am not already neck-deep in work, but it does mean I can tread water and still see the horizon ahead.
Within blocking out the time to tackle each new chunk, I am also prioritizing my mind, body and soul.
Prioritizing Mind, Body & Soul
Meals, exercise, alcohol-free weekdays, sleep, quality time with my daughter and partner, meditation, therapy, unplugged moments to exhale, etc., are all being prioritized in advance to protect not only my ability to output work and study but also to honour the open journey I need to protect and maintain.
End Each Semester with an Exhale moment.
Spending a few sessions at a Nordic-inspired spa recently was intensely rejuvenating. From that experience, I identified that I would like to build into each semester's end a session at a hydrothermal spa to celebrate the work done and to empty the mind, body, and soul to prepare myself for another new semester ahead.
* These next twenty-four months have much in store for me, and I cannot imagine how life will have shifted, changed, and evolved by May 2026, when I approach graduation day.
What I do know for sure is that I want to have said that I sunk into every aspect of this journey and left nothing on the table.
****This is my dedication to my practice, my craft and the beloved act of braving the wilderness of one word at a time.
They arrived!
Not all, but many books from the required and suggested reading lists for my master's program have arrived.
It’s time to get down to business!
My Goal:
To read every book suggested, mentioned or referred to in passing within my master’s journey.
Why?
When else will I have this excuse to trip over myself reading book after book?
How?
I will prioritize the required reading books and follow them with whatever seems more pressing. I aim to highlight and take notes as I go (which I am apt to do with books I own / study) and input those highlighted quotes/sections into a chart for reference.
When a quote or passage deems itself a lifeline, I will write it down to keep it in a visible space in my office to be reminded of.
If you need me, I’ll be reading.
Prompts to help guide you towards your most daring, whimsical, enticing, enraptious goals.
What were you like as a child? What interests, hobbies, obsessions, play, ideas, and desires did you have / engage in?
How would those who know you describe you today? What would they say about your Personality, work, LIFESTYLE, AND hobbies?
How would you describe yourself today? What would you say ABOUT YOUR Personality, WORK, hobbies AND YOUR LIFESTYLE?
Of those three different descriptions of you, Circle the ones that feel the most like You.
What would you add to that list of descriptions today if you could?
How do your chosen descriptions for yourself make you feel?
With those descriptions in mind - consider ways you could sink in deeper into those parts of yourself.
e.g. :
Bookworm - Sunday Morning Library Coffee Date with a book for six months.
Freelancer - Schedule a meeting once a month with an Editor / Producer.
Fitness lover - Use weight training videos to go up 5 pounds in weights.
Social - Schedule bi-weekly in-person hangs with friends and colleagues.
etc.
Narrow in on one of these action items and calim it as an ace dare.
begin secretly picking away at your challenge.
*Only play your ace (leave it behind) when you feel you have reached the goal you set for yourself.
Creating is a unique art where tools and methods are used seemingly at random but all have their place in the inner workings of an artists tool kit.
For me, I find it is the unique journey of each project that tells me which tools I need, which tools I can let go of and which tools I have that I will reach for again and again.
Here are this years current items:
Writing
Grammarly
Although expensive as all get out, I find Grammarly, the hard-working editor, behind my shoulder that I can’t afford to pay. She runs alongside me, catching tone, word choices and structure issues without much effort and as far as AI tools go, she’s one I can live with.
Pages
Being an Apple product user, I pages the app I write documents on.
Final Draft 12
Although screenwriting and playwriting are not mediums of writing that I have spent much time in the past few years, Final Draft has allowed me to dip in and out of the medium with ease and practicality. It easily formats scripts and keeps all notations and edits at your fingertips.
POCKET-SIZED Moleskin Notebooks
Being a highly analoge focused, I keep these pocket-sized notebooks close to organize project notes on the go, various themes of life and work, etc.
Leuchtturm1917 Notebooks
I design these notebooks every year using the Bullet Journal Method. It took many years to get the layouts the way I wanted. Using this method takes the yearly changes and adjustments of a new day planner out of the equation and keeps me flowing in productivity from one year to the next.
Sharpie Pens
I was raised by someone who sold pens for a living (among other things), and the number of pens that multiplied in our home was unreal. It made me want to live a less cluttered ‘pen life.’ Once I found the Sharpie pen, I never looked back. It’s the only pen I will use. It's simple and understated.
Producing
Final Cut Pro
Essential for editing film footage of any kind. Final Cut is UI-friendly, with many features and tools to discover.
Garage Band
For basic sound needs, Garage Band keeps serving. A quick tutorial can give you the basic vocabulary of how to use it, and it does the trick for about eighty percent of my audio needs.
Audacity
Audacity does what Garage Band can’t. It’s not as UI-friendly, but a few tutorials gave me the tools to help fine-tune my files.
Cannon Camera EOS RP
Having a camera, which I can use for any project, both personal and professional, is essential. I am not a professional photographer or cinematographer, but it gives me the ability to point, shoot and capture what needs to be done.
Recording
Zoom H4N Pro
Compact and an excellent quality recorder for in-the-field documentary/reporting work.
If you live in windy locations like I do, you should invest in a wind sock.
iPhone 13
In the multi-media creative industries, a smartphone is a must.
No explanation at this point in time should be needed for why.
Late last year, I began to work alongside Lynn Matheson and Accessible Media Inc. to help produce an episode of Our Community on MusGO Rider, a rural transportation association serving the Eastern Shore, Valley, and Sheet Harbour areas.
What is AMI?
Although not my first time involved in an AMI production, it has been many years, and I am reminded of the impact their not-for-profit platform provides, specifically in their work in Integrated Described Video, which is an art in and of itself. Their mission is clear, and their delivery and innovation are inspiring.
What is Our Community?
Our Community is a series that highlights the people, places, organizations or things that have made life more enjoyable for Canadians with a disability.
What’s Next?
With just weeks to go before production, we are pleased to see this project moving forward and excited to continue the work until it makes its last pass before airing.
****It’s never a waste of time to come alongside someone with a passionate heart and a keen eye for the story behind an organization. I am thrilled to be behind Lynn Matheson and her careful, mindful work.
Over the past few years, working on audio documentaries has become a passion and a joy. Being freelance has allowed me to source stories, serve unheard voices, and create a systematic and holistic approach to my craft. Rather than churning out content week by week, I can go deeper into my research and sources and take the time with each voice rather than hurry the scripts into production.
On the other hand,
I have no idea where my next documentary will come from. The ideas, leads, questions, and curiosities that develop into a story worth hearing and telling do not just suddenly land on my desk, ready to go.
I Listen & Watch
I pay attention to everything around me. What are people going through? What topics are rising to the surface? Who is not feeling heard? What is surprising? What is unsurprising? Who is angry? Who is hurt? Who is heard from often? Who is heard from rarely?
I discern
Often, a story that needs to be told will become something I have underlined repeatedly. A collection of screenshots on my phone or a thought I have written down more than once. It becomes louder in my head until I intuit deeply there is something there.
I listen again
I go back to my notes and screenshots and re-read and observe the snippets of a story I have accidentally collected over time.
I Get curious
I wonder aloud to myself, the internet, and books at large if other people know about ‘this.’ I write down what I believe would give me answers. I drop the topic in relevant conversations and see if it raises more thoughts. I consider what the format might be, stumble into voices, and start to ask to talk to them to approach this new story.
I ask questions
I ask more questions and begin to discern which voice has the answers, perspectives or ideas I still need to include.
I listen again
I listen to them and set up times to record.
I record.
I hold space for their story.
I listen again.
I listen back, transcribing on my laptop as I go.
I highlight
I print out the transcription and read back, highlighting what is essential.
I Lay it all out.
I lay out all the transcriptions, focusing on the highlighted portions to find the story.
I listen & piece it together.
I begin to put the story together, listening back to each segment as I go, confirming each voice's pace, accuracy, and intention.
I listen again.
I listen to each portion in order, confirming continuity and maintaining accuracy.
I double check.
I circle back and ask questions about lack of clarity and confirm simple but essential things like pronunciation of names.
I listen again.
I listen to my finalized draft/audio.
I submit the final script
I let it go, applied incoming notes from executive producers, and often adjusted the scripts the day of recording, adding, removing, and making on-the-spot adjustments as needed.
In the late spring of 2023,
I began to stumble upon the growing desire to dig deeper into my craft of documenting and writing. As with anything, there is a point where you realize you can continue as you have been or dig in deeper and search for a type of growth that will genuinely grow and challenge you.
With the encouragement of a handful of close and trusted colleagues, friends and family, I began asking what it might take for someone like me to seek a place in a master's program. I expected the doors to be firmly closed and locked in place. Yet, it was in this process that I discovered something else.
I discovered that the more I asked questions, the more doors opened. The more I tip-toed near the edge of possibility, the more the call from the unknown beckoned me to jump.
So jump I did. I spent the summer and early autumn preparing and finishing my application for this master's program. It was a labour of love over the project I am going forward with and, most importantly, a labour of love for myself.
I am worthy of a higher education, worthy of taking myself seriously, and most certainly deserving within my craft.
Get a stack of playing cards
Any set will do. If it’s fun for you, do research and take the time to find a set for your year that reflects your personal aesthetic or vision for the year. My set for 2024 was the Esoteric Playing Cards.
pull out the aces
Open the box and remove the aces, keeping them with you daily.
Meditate and reflect on goals, dreams, and risks you could take
Take time to journal, reflect and take stock of where you want to go - think big and small.
Quietly create a plan to reach a goal, take a risk, make progress on a dream
Create a reasonable and attainable plan within a year to reach a goal, outcome, or way to accomplish progress. Work quietly on this.
When you decide you’ve reached YOUR goal, took a risk, made progress on your dream…
Only you know what that end outcome is.
Leave an ace behind as a calling card.
Wherever you have accomplished a goal, dream, or risk - leave your ace behind. Take a picture. Hold a ceremony and celebrate the work you did to get you there.
JOIN / FOLLOW THE JOURNEY
Instagram
#playedmyace #playyourace #theacedare
PREVIOUS ACE DARE POSTS
creativity | ˌkrēāˈtivədē | noun the use of the imagination or original ideas, especially in the production of an artistic work: firms are keen to encourage creativity.
Creativity, alongside its necessary partner' curiosity,' has been the foundation of how I have developed and honed my craft over the years.
Because of this passionate love and pursuit of creativity, I have found myself in various creative industry mediums (radio, scriptwriting, playwriting, comedy writing, film, articles, and web multimedia). It continues to be the heartbeat behind all that I do.
Creative Writer
A Creative writer approaches each writing piece or project with the concept that they discover the authenticity and strength of the material as they go along. They bring not only what they understand about the subject but also all the elements of life around them to fully develop a narrative and paint a picture for the readers of what they desire to communicate.
Creative writing is less about proving a point and more about showcasing an idea, belief or feeling through the art of words.
Creative Producer
A producer can be many things depending on the project they are working on, but in this case, my approach in creative producing has been and always will be as a vision advocate. Every project has its own unique tone, voice, narrative and hook. Taking the time to come alongside a story/project and help shape it and walk it into its fullness is an act of being able to honour it through all its needed changes while also intuitively knowing what is non-negotiable in its creation.
Creative Producing is, in its entirety, a position of intuitive discernment and advocacy for the overall project.
Amy Grace wearing black holding ace playing cards. Font overlay reads: A Year of Aces - 2024 - byamygrace
ace1 | ās | noun
1 a playing card with a single spot on it, ranked as the highest card in its suit in most card games: the ace of diamonds | life had started dealing him aces again figurative.
2 a person who excels at a particular sport or other activity.
3 a service that an opponent is unable to touch and thus wins a point.
PHRASES
an ace up one's sleeve.
a plan or piece of information kept secret until it becomes necessary to use it.
hold all the aces.
play one's ace.
I took unusually long to find a word that would encompass this new year. In fact, I left it until the last twelve hours of 2023. What choosing a word for each new year has taught me, is that they are incredibly prophetic, delightfully inspiring and deeply powerful.
Why Ace?
Too long I have played it safe. I have played the lowest to lower cards in my hand because it kept me safe from criticism, safe from the unknowns and most importantly safe from risk.
I have flirted with playing more risky hands from time to time, but almost always I find my way back to that safe place where I feel sure that I won’t loose anything in the process.
In many respects this has served me well.
My professional and personal growth have all paced at a speed that I can manage, I have been able to maintain bridges with those who have come in and out of my life and for the most part I have been able to maintain my own desired lifestyle in a manageable way.
Yet this pace has become altogether too slow.
I have been holding on to projects, opportunities, ideas, skills, words and adventures as if playing them would risk it all.
Maybe it will.
But
Maybe it won’t.
This year I am going to be watching, learning and discerning how and when to play my aces.
This year I am going to learn to embrace the risks.
& this year, I am going to stop playing it safe.
Onwards,
PREVIOUS ONEWORDS
Embracing the Humble Realities of Being a Beginner
Again and Again.
Daring to Go Off Script
You are free to be different than what they cast you as.
Audaciously Showing Up
It’s not about perfection, it’s about the belief in the desire to rise to the calling.
Honouring My Story
Recognizing what I experienced is my own to hold space for, learn from and share when, how and if I so desire.
Honouring Their Story
Recognizing what they experienced doesn’t have to align with my own for me to respect the differences.
Authenticity
The closer I get to the core of all of me, the more real I become.
Practicing the Art of Safety
Our words, tone, approach and delivery will be the home we make not just for ourselves but for all those who enter our atmosphere.
Sounding the Alarm
Calling out danger, toxicity, bullying, aggression, fear etc will always lead to saved lives, including your own.
How I Found My Voice…. was written after months of processing what it looks like to use your voice in a pointed and careful way only to have it thrown back at you in rage, disdain and contempt. Through that experience I reflected on the journey that has made me audacious enough to believe that all voices, words and thoughts matter, including ones own.
It’s how we express ourselves outwardly and inwardly that ultimately defines a voice that tears down or that builds up.
I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.
Exposure
Believing I was exposed to other races & cultures because my elementary school had one black family & one Muslim family.
Pocahontas 1995
For years, we sang and quoted every misplaced word and historical fact in that Disney musical.
“I don’t see colour.”
A normalized statement.
Asian Caricatures
I saw something amusing. He saw something hurtful.
Accent Portrayals
Mimicking others’ speech patterns because it sounds amusing.
Slurs
Realizing this can be yelled at you from a distance.
Chinese Food in Canada.
All that takeout…’ Moo goo Gai Pan’ and the like … it’s catered to your North American palate.
*The authentic food is ordered on Mandarin / Cantonese menus*
Chinese Fortune Cookies
Not Chinese; they also do this for just ‘you.’
Knowing / Having
Friendships/relationships with those who are BIPOC or of different cultures do not mean you know ‘all’ experiences.
Racial Identity
It’s not based on appearance, language, or cultural exposure alone.
It’s Personal
It can change.
How Systematic Racism Rose It’s Ugly Head In & Around Me… is a small sample size personal reflection of how embedded racism existed within the culture, society, and actions around and subsequently found its passive voice within me. These items are not the only examples but the red flags that have cropped up clearly over the years.
Unravelling the limiting belief that I am ‘blameless’ in my actions and portrayals of those around me has been an eye-opening, decade-long, and ongoing journey. I still catch myself falling prey to stereotypes, belief systems, and catch-all phrases that continue harmful narratives.
Humanity is fallible, and it seems that, above all else, humanity loves to ‘other’ others.
In all of this, what I have learned to be true:
In setting aside ego, assumptions and critiques, we find open-heartedness, delightful surprises and real understanding.
I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.
Heart dropping to the pit of my stomach mid-conversation
Their words felt like shards of glass
Rise of anxiety attack symptoms
Sore Tongue, tingling hands, heart beating while trying to sleep
Patterns / Cycles
I could see patterns repeat themselves
Retreating
Only wanting my safe people
Dysregulation
Overwhelm even when at rest
Distrust
I didn’t feel safe even before I arrived
Distraction Deep Dives
I’d rather be ruminating in the latest world happening
Searching for outside support
Therapist / Counselor dreaming / hunting
They were telling me what I should think
I knew it was my story to process
Professional Confirmation / Affirmations
Finding out my deepest wounds have names.
How I realized it was time to heal… was written out of response to the long journey of seeking and finding a therapist/counsellor that not only could hold space for my specific life and faith but also call out and help me put names to all that has held me, hostage.
Having a family doctor who helped me identify my generalized anxiety, I was empowered to start the journey to get to the root of where it began. Digging up the roots of childhood wounds, generational trauma, and a spider web of undiagnosed mental health disorders within my family tree is work but work worth doing.
I am not interested in the blame game, but I am interested in the healing game - and I’ll spend this decade of my life working towards understanding myself and the environment that made me better.
None of us are immune to childhood wounds, trauma and life happenings. To be human is to bleed, and it is also human to seek healing. Physically, spiritually and mentally.
I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.
Emotional Outbursts
A normalized way of expression and culture within a family.
Expectations of Loyalty
Creating sides and breaking boundaries.
Emotional Confusion / Dysregulation
The emergence of mental health in a minor.
Despair & Quick Rage
The DSM5 calls this a personality disorder.
Overactive Bladder
Anxious mind, anxious bladder.
Over Eating
Reaching for what satiated. a.k.a. Depression
Not Eating
a.k.a. Depression. PTSD.
Unable to breathe
Anxiety Attacks
Tingling tongue / Legs
Anxiety Symptoms
How the Lack of Words for Mental Health Affected Me… is a compilation of both what I witnessed within my upbringing and how it has manifested within me. It took until my late twenties to understand I had been living and struggling with Anxiety and its comorbid symptoms since my early teens. Identifying and equipping myself with the tools for myself has given me language for what I have been dealing with, not only internally but also externally.
Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Personality Disorders, PTSD, and Emotional Dysregulation are all words and concepts that have liberated me from my upbringing and my life story and empowered me to continue the work so that my child may have the words for not only those and what is around her but most importantly for herself.
I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.
