In 2006, I was a mere high school student fascinated with sign language, determined to learn the language and become an interpreter. I spent evenings going to night classes to prove my feeble skills, graduated high school and went into a one-year program of immersion, and then what was to be two years of interpreting training. In 2010, I entered the work world and spent four years working in the education system and local community.

There is much to be said about the training process, which I would love to see changed/altered to empower, enrich and encourage interpreters better. Still, there were also significant aspects in my journey in that training, which I continue to use daily as a creative writer and multi-media producer.

Know Your Biases

To keep an interpretation clean from your bias and allow the message to be received as intended, you must know your personal opinions/biases. In always being aware of your own opinions, you can set them aside and move forward with whatever message is being said.
In many respects, that has led me to the mantra:
“You can’t hold space for others if you do not hold space for yourself first.”

If You Feel Critical, Get Curious

I will never forget how hard-hitting this statement was early on in the interpreting training process. It’s easy to vent, rant, rage, posture and go on about something you feel strongly about, but it’s much more complex and honourable to get curious and sink into asking why. ‘Why?’ to yourself and ‘why?’ to the world around you.
This phrase has been a constant companion when I have felt the desire to defend, project or prolong unhealthy discourse.

Research, and then Research again.

Similar to ‘get curious,’ never let what you think you know of something be the end of your assumptions. Assume you have more to learn, discover, and decide on.
This not only keeps you current, but it keeps you aware of your own inability to know everything.

It’s Not About You

When you walk into a room, it’s never about you. You are not supposed to stand out, suck the air out of the room or make a show of yourself. You must conduct your job as effectively and clearly as possible with as little disturbance to the environment around you as possible.
Outside of interpreting, this has kept me aware of how to show up confidently while also working hard to collaborate effectively, stay true to my ‘reasons/intentions’ for being in any one place and make sure I look out for those who need to be seen or heard.

Explain what Something is by What Something Isn’t

In a visual language, such as American Sign Language, it is contextually helpful in many scenarios to express first what has been determined in communication as ‘not what I mean' and then progress to ‘what I actually mean.’ Much of spoken language is repetitive and stream-of-consciousness, and we often over-clarify in our speaking what we mean.
By pausing and letting ourselves take in the missing pieces in our communication in everyday life, we can better pivot and express agreement on what might be confusing, unclear, etc. and readily go forward into what we mean, what is better expressed and move forward.

For these lessons, I am thankful.

Onwards,

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
His parting words after he was done playing around with me.

“No one interfered with your relationships.”
Telling me what he needed to hear to make himself feel better about how damaged us children were from his/their own adult choices.

”No one wants to hear you talk about how much you love your body.”
His feedback on my written monologue about body love journey because I am size small.

“You don’t need that.”
His lack of understanding of how much I may actually need something in order to be paid more as a woman.

“They need us.”
What he said with an understanding of what makes a deep long lasting relationship when I was the most broken and confused.

“You have a thing with words”
His recognition of a craft I was leaning into.

“You are the dream”
What he says as he pulls me close as we fall asleep at night.

“It’s Amy Grace!”
His greeting in a professional setting.

How His Words Carry Weight was written from a selection of statements from various men which have both harmed and healed me. Through these statements I have learned the nature of power dynamics, manipulation, true respect, growth and even deep love.
Calling out these statements is a choice for healing and baring witness to that which hinders and that which heals.
I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.

Earlier this year I found myself saying phrases like:

“Don’t get me wrong, if it sounds like I want _____ , I don’t actually want that.”

“I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole. I would need a lot of space from it in order to do it.”

On both accounts, I am already eating my words.

Living a life open to creative work is difficult as it is comical.
More often than not, the moment of revelation and ‘next right thing’, is right at the edge of resistance.
It’s that moment you look over the edge of a giant cliff you’ve never scaled down before and despite the beauty of the view below you laugh and say things like:

“Not in a million years!”

“As if!”

“Why would I want to do that?”

And then as you take one last look you start to ask more questions.

“Well… how would I do that anyway?”

“Why would I do it…if I did….why?”

And when the answers start coming easy and clear…that is when you know you just might need to eat your words on all accounts, pick up ‘desire’ and ‘courage’ and do the real heavy work of scaling down the edge of creative insanity.

****
Reader,

I am merely at the point of preparing my gear to scale down this tall mountain of work… but when the starting gun goes…I will be beyond tickled and frigthened to show you just the edge of what it is I said I would NEVER do…that suddenly I am going to do.

Until then,

Onwards,

I love words.
Always have. Always will.

I hate words.
Always have. Always will.

I love how they can cover us like a blanket on a cold day.
I despise how they can chill us from head to toe like an icy wind.
I love how they can be arranged into works of art.
I despise how they can be manipulated into shards of glass.

The way they taste after I let my wounds pull them out of my guts in defence.
The way they smell after you pull the pin and the explosion of them detonates in front of me.
The sharp ends of them cutting my throat as I speak.
The shrapnel gouging my chest as I read.

I have spent years pouring over the words plastered on the walls of our lives
The paragraphs scrawled in hurried anger.
The smudges of tears all mixed in.
The way they twisted around each other like a python suffocating the words that came before.

The way they sour as they drop off the page when it feels as if there is nothing left one could say.
No bridge they could build or soil they could find to plant something new.

If I could use my words to plant a tree for you to find protection under
I would plant them with care.
If I could use my words to pass you a cup of grace,
I would pour them out just for you.
If I could use my words to create a bridge from me to you
I would build them strong and safe.

The taste of our words are as sweet as honey
The taste of our words are as bitter as blood.

I pray for words like honey.
I pray for words that bridge.
And I pray that when we taste the bitter words and they become like sharp glass,

I pray we find that glass of grace and we partake of the words that heal.

Welcoming a new desk to my office right as a new challenge / invitation was presenting itself was pleasant timing. A late birthday gift after years of straining my back over a desk that wasn't made for hours and hours of writing and work.

September feels like a new year for the work life and with that comes new intentions, determination and focus.

What I am carrying with me this ‘new work year’:

• Walk through open doors.

• Celebrate what has been accomplished already.

• Attend and stay open to possible ‘work’ events.

• Embrace the new direction.

• Enjoy your own creative mind.

First Career at Age 21
What can I like that I can easily afford the training for on my own?

Married at 22
Because we couldn’t move forward in our sexuality / personal lives together unless we were married.

Wedding #1
Opting out of decisions in order to keep the peace.

Small Talk
Sales, sports, the weather… when all I want to do is talk about trauma, scarcity, provocative art, local happenings…

Alcohol / Tattoos
Avoiding the topic because they wouldn’t approve / understand.

Extended Family Time
Working to make each member feel seen while feeling more and more unseen.

Feigning Agreement
Agreeing to avoid confrontation or a need to defend a thought.

How I’ve Split Myself Up to Please Them… is a selection of reflections of choices and moments in my life where I can identify the act of putting a part of myself on a shelf in order to not rock the boat.
Although much of these I have worked to create wholeness and healing from, I recognize that being a whole person takes consistent forever work.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.

Finding myself in the role of docu journalism was not something I would have articulated a handful of years ago for myself.

And yet,

not surprising.

As a sign language interpreter, I was trained to know a little about a lot. Always factor in prep work for an assignment and always arrive early and prepared. This aspect of my training put me in the headspace to be curious and open. Always looking for what I may not be understanding fully and ready to hear what is being said. Not just through the overt but also the subliminal.

Shifting into writing, I found myself writing interviews, first on my own blog, then for a multi-media platform I co-founded, then onto our platforms short film and then for a local film and television associations newsletter. I interviewed professionals in the media industry, artists, academics, industry leaders, business owners, friends and sometimes family.

All of this was a training ground.

I have been privileged so far to have found mentors and colleagues who have not only given me opportunities to grow but also encouraged me into the skills and capabilities that have always been there.

Reflecting on the women I have looked up to and revered over the years, I am amused at the apparent nature and theme.

Lisa Ling, Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Brene Brown, Sarah Polley, Elizabeth Gilbert and Shonda Rhimes.

Writers.
Storytellers.
Researchers.
Journalists.

The common theme I come back to again and again, and the lesson each of these pillars of their industries has taught me,

is the value of holding space for the fullness of themselves, which allows them to cultivate and hold space for the fullness of others.

And this is a value I work to hold for myself.

That I honour and push for the fullness within me so that I can deeply see and meet the fullness and wholeness of another.

A short radio documentary with CBC Mainstreet Nova Scotia, on the co-owners Maria Radelich and Shannon Platt of Pelivco Health Centre along with their clients to learn about pelvic health and why taking the needs of all gender-specific dysfunctions is important.

Listen: Here

When I pick a word to walk with for a year, I never know exactly what will happen on that journey. I can only know that the word came to me during reflection and processing of what I wanted for the coming year.

Resonance

came to me out of a deep desire to sink deeper into a medium and craft of audio storytelling I hadn’t let myself consider or even believe was possible for me. And yet, as 2022 ended, I found a new side of myself. A shiny new side that was there all along.

As I have worked the past six months to align myself with those that would help me develop quality, deep and evocative work and life, I have found something else. Something I didn’t expect.

I wasn’t only finding the fullness of others and the projects but a fullness in myself.

A deepening and broadening of horizons and. The point that I have had a hard time swallowing it all because everything up until this point has told me

• There is not enough money for you.

• You don’t have what it takes.

• Your role is ‘this,’ not ‘that.’

• You thought you were good at this, but you are not.

Etc.

Over the past two months, I have started to implement the concept of seeing what aligns with my values as a whole person. Not just as the person who pitches stories… but also as the woman.

The Amy Grace.

What does she want?

What is she capable of?

*it seems so silly to admit to these things… Haven’t I been doing this all along?

Yes & No.

The revelation is that I have been trying to be myself in a box. A box I still desperately wanted to fit.

I was never supposed to fit that box.

With this new understanding, I take resonances hand and explore what is outside the box and what is possible with the me that I am and the me I continue to find out I can be.

Motherhood

It was never supposed to be a one-size-fits-all but a unique role…like an individual fingerprint.

Only ‘you’ can hold that imprint.

It’s yours to design.

Report Cards

They were never a true reflection of my full intelligence,

merely a report on how well I assimilated into one mould of learning.

Gender Roles

The script about our roles and identity was a constructed play developed by culture.

What we do with our roles is entirely up to ourselves.

Scarcity

The high vigilance to protect ‘what is’

keeps us restrained from the abundance of ‘what can be’.

Fear

Its job was not to keep you frozen in place. 
Its job was to nudge you to move in the direction you need to move best for you.

Expectations

They were never going to be satisfied with how you fulfilled their hopes and ideals.
Inhale, exhale.
You are enough.

Limitations

They can be torn down; it just takes work.

Things I Am Learning to Unlearn was written after realizing how much I was processing through old belief systems. Everything from one’s childhood to one’s adulthood, we collect ‘so-called’ truths from our environments and ultimately, if we are privileged and aware enough, spend the entirety of our lives unlearning what we took on that was never ours to believe in the first place.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.

34 notations, lessons, observations and gold found.

*In no particular order.

1. Pursue the deep, the wonder and the voiceless…there is always gold in what has not yet been given light.

2. Anyone that leaves you behind has lost the plot. Their time in your story has passed and if they resurface, only you can say if they belong in the new pages of your story or not.

3. Resist the temptation to repeat old patterns / ways of connecting. You do it different.

4. No one wants to leave you. They simply haven’t healed themselves enough to stay.

5. You have the strongest ties to the ones that will be there for the worst of it all. Give those ties a tug when needed. They’ll be there.

6. Your bit of earth is rich and vibrant. Watch it grow and cultivate it during the quiet seasons. Quiet doesn’t mean fallow.

7. Everything that is inside you that tells you are unintelligent is a lie. Your intelligence moves mountains not only outwardly but on the insides of others. Don’t hide your processing and thoughts. It’s your calling to share.

8. Celebrate every win. Don’t shy away from being proud.

9. Listen to your gut. It has never steered you wrong.

10. If you thought ‘family’ was a word to pitch your tent to, think again. Learn. Connect and learn again.

11. Lean not on others, but stand upright on the two feet you were given.

12. Take up space and hold space in every room you walk into.

13. Reject every 'othering’ narrative that seeks to control a room.

14. Embrace the woman and mothering ways that only you uniquely inhabit.

15. Work on what you are aware of, stay learning and work some more.

16. Be the friend you need and want… but draw the line at being used and sucked dry.

17. Process every wound and give it air. Work to find it’s best healing and do not deny its presence and process.

18. Expect more from yourself. You are already capable of more than you realize.

19. If you were told to let someone else do it in your childhood / young adult years, give it a go alone. See if you are capable. (you probably are.)

20. Drive. Stay independant. Never let fear drive the car.

21. Dress to please you and how you want to present yourself. Not for anyone else.

22. When faced with misogyny / sexual misconduct, do not accept the blame. Call out the toxic patriarchy and let your words speak for themselves.

23. Stay courageous, vulnerable and open….and share when you feel safe.

24. Rather than letting them define you, define yourself.

25. Travel when it suits you. If it doesn’t, don’t. If it does, do.

26. You always know when it’s time for a change. Your restless heart beat will let you know.

27. Others won’t be ready for your changes, but you will be. Let that be enough.

28. Protect your independence and ability to stand on your own two feet. Question anyone who wants to make you dependant.

29. Question anyone who puts you on a pedestal.

30. “Just between us” is a death sentence.

31. Move your body. You will always feel better after.

32. Anyone you have loved has gotten a glimpse of heaven through your love…don’t discredit your heart and what you have given.

33. Stay witty. You are a firecracker and they love that about you. (& it keeps you alive for yourself)

34. Stay you. Stay Amy freaking Grace.

“They/Them vs. We/Us”
Elevating our perspectives, experiences and perceived knowledge by keeping anyone believed as ‘other’ in a category of ‘they/them.’

Identifying a human being with the identifier of ‘Clown / Fool / Idiot/use of a Clown Emoji’.
In the arena of supposed adult intellectual conversation, leveraging and permitting the art of playground name-calling.
A Special Note:
On a School playground, we call this bullying.
In the arena of adults: this is still called bullying.

“Must Be Nice”
Words said to make you feel unsettled in what you have, subsequently diminishing the struggles of what you don’t have.
A Special Note:
The Dictionary defines this as jealousy.

Use of “Hun/Hunny” and other pet names in conflict.
To degrade, dismiss and control the concerns/narratives of another.

“Are you sure this is the hill you want to die on?”
Because they took it and they think you should too.

“It’s okay."
Used to assure you that the rise of alarm bells within you doesn’t matter.

“Fake”
Diminishing a person with one word to control the narrative.

How We Dehumanize Others was written from a place of trauma and ache.
We walk on this earth in such a vulnerable state as humans, and yet we rarely take a minute to look around us. No comparison is needed, no dressing down required, and no mic drop moment desired to recognize we are all mere humans surviving on this earth.

A gradual conviction grew in me over the past decade where I recognized how I, those around me and anyone could so easily strip another person's human identity from them with mere words.

Our words can be as resounding as a gun.

& for this ‘I Never Promised,’ I specifically want to highlight the Evangelical Christians who raised me. The ones who spout words online as if it’s their right, yet how often do they pause and think about the words they use? The vitriol they are spilling all over the screens of others. For what?

Solidarity?

For Christians, there should be a higher standard in words, yet the lack of care, tenderness and compassion so often shakes me.

I have been dehumanized not just by people's callous statements but also by those who raised me. Who so easily strip me of my humanity with how they talk about my profession, friends, colleagues and life.

We must demand more from ourselves.

More from our humanity.

& especially more from the practice of a faith which claims Grace as its saviour.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

Over the winter I worked alongside the Mainstreet Nova Scotia team to collect the voices of paramedics and produce their story.

Take a Listen via CBC

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Text : How They Train You Out of Yourself - I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It…

If you want to keep your averages up, you’ll have to take a lower-level class.
Genuine interest and passion cannot compete with test scores.

Look right, look left, one of you will be gone by the end of the year.
Fear-based training.

Our job is to tear you down to build you into something different.
Forced to leave yourself behind.

You need to grow thicker skin.
Emotion has no place in this world.

You haven’t lived long enough yet.
An introduction to ageism and how it decides your understanding of trauma.

“No one listens to skinny pretty women.”
Appearance decides relevancy.

How They Train You Out of Yourself is a small selection of moments from my educational journey. Looking back, I am mortified at what I accepted as normal, part of the process, and often direct minimization of my intelligence as a young woman.
At the outset, we train children to only lean into and use their natural skill set rather than support them as they explore the various interests they may hold, no matter their skill or lack thereof. From that place, we are sent out to be trained, often grasping at straws at our possible value.
The underlying motivator in most professional practice training is fear, and we allow that to drive the narrative in lectures, testing, mentorship and in-field training.
Supporting this narrative creates a breeding ground for bullying in the forms of 'power imbalance’, gender-based discrimination, and racism, to name a few.

My healing back to myself has not come from the training I have received but from the constant and persistent demand from myself that I prohibit anyone and anything from discrediting my value as a whole person, body, mind and soul. Any words or actions said or done in any way to devalue my humanity are unacceptable to me now.

From that place of healing and respect for my humanity, I have found the mentors, teachers, and colleagues that teach, collaborate, and work with me in solidarity and raise me into my highest, most capable self.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

When I think about the pivotal, the thrilling and the most sacred moments in my life,

I think about the ‘hers.’

the words they spoke.
the solidarity they passed.

The tears they shared

The honesty they mined.
The courage they found.

& most importantly,

I think about how they made me whole.

Women I have been influenced and inspired by

(Their voices are embedded into my childhood in unique and pivotal ways)

• Lisa Ling

• Oprah Winfrey

• Sarah Polley

• Maya Angelou

• Julie Andrews

Women who challenge me to think differently

(They bring light to the ideas and broad scopes we need to have to grow and continue our life)

• Bari Weiss

• Brene Brown

• Dr.Shefali Tsabary

• Luvvii Ajayi Jones

• Jayme Poisson

Women doing things that catch my eyes

(They quite literally caught my eye from day 1)

• Jonna Jinton

• Amie Mcnee

• Brigitte Truong

• Janna Wilton Art

• Tricia Black

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Off white background with text : How They Lean on Her. I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… byamygrace.

Thank-you Cards.

All the gracious women do.

Say Yes.

Nothing is more important than prioritizing this.

Starting a family.

Every proper woman’s to do list.

Second, third child?

Don’t disappoint us.

Professional Family Photos

Everyone must know you have your priorities straight.

Sports and music lesson registrations.

All the good moms do.

Where have you been?

Nothing is more important than seeing me.

At home.

Be a productive member of society.

At work.

Don’t be selfish.

She does it.  Why can’t you?

Her success is your failure.

How They Lean on Her was written in 2022 after reflecting on the many explicit and implicit ways women carry the load of those around them.
This is not an extensive list, but a sampling of the various notations tucked away women have been trained to remember that cause strain. Even ladders have load baring instructions.
If I would suggest anything for us as humans and society to work towards, it is to actively offer women a way out of these ways of thinking. To take the load off our words and assumptions so easily placed on ‘her’ shoulders and mindfully get to know the ‘her’ that is naturally and wholly ‘individual’ in front of us.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

8.

Pulled into a bear hug.

Things strange men did.

14.

A family conversation on my shirt.

Because I had breasts now.

19.

Sitting inside a bank watching the men talk.

About money that is mine.

22.

“Let’s keep this between us.”

Secrets he convinced me to keep.

23.

“She’s loose.”

Because I responded to being seen.

25.

Heart beating with keys in hand.

Stalked in my favourite bookstore.

26.

“So you’ll be at home now.”

Assumptions made on my motherhood.

27.

“I don’t listen to pretty skinny women.”

He thought he’d make me a teaching tool.

32.

Scolded for sharing my strengths.

They taught me pride is a sin.

*and to be clear.

That is not even the half of it.

How the Patriarchy Found Its Way Inside of Me flew out of me in the Spring of 2022. I was feeling the weight of the feminine experience. Moments I heard about. Moments I lived. We often are not aware of the importance of our experiences until we lay them out on the table to be examined more closely.

In this piece, I lay out the age I was during these moments and what occurred. I was jarred to see how the ages often had multiple experiences. Here I chose to limit them to the ones that caused the strongest ripple effect through my life and how they altered my thinking.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

Black text on a paper background - The Writers Safe House. A Working Writers Monthly Meet Up. Virtual.

Since closing down The Creatives in 2017, a monthly meet-up for creative and entrepreneurial-focused women, I have been on a new journey.

Finding my sea legs in what it means to be a professional writer in the media industry.

It fascinates me how my work has evolved and sharpened its focus into a documentarian and journalistic lens these past years and yet - I have been opting in on the real-life stories that find me and learning with each new project how to honour them and hold space for them.

Writers should not be limited to any one thing, but to do their best with the story in front of them.

And this brings me to where I am today,

Ready to find five other working writers who are also seeking connection and a safe house for all they are working on and journeying through.

A Working Writer

A writer who actively works and is known by their peers as a writer. (journalist, scriptwriter, playwright, songwriter, essayist, researcher, author)

Monthly meetings

With a total of six members, meetings will occur once a month for up to two hours.
A week before the meeting writers will submit no more than three pages of work to be read by the collective membership. This process is for work feedback, insight and edits are wanted on.
During the meeting members will connect, update one another on work and life and discuss the members' submissions.

*Sharing any writing is a vulnerable business. The mission of Writers Safe House is to hold space for one another and the work. To empower, uplift and be in solidarity with.
There will be no tolerance for undercutting a person’s work, devaluing an idea/project or abusing trust.

Where / When

This will be a collective decision but assumedly via Zoom.
The collective will be gracious, and understanding regarding absences but attendance will be highly expected to create and remain in solidarity.

Why

Because writers need each other.
In safe and compassionate ways.

Please email: info@byamygrace.com to apply or slide @byamygrace DM’s

During the Autumn of 2022, I was welcomed into Shelter Movers Nova Scotia under CBC Radio to document and cover the work of volunteers and the process clients/survivors of intimate partner violence experience when using the service of Shelter Movers.

To read the Article: Read Here

To Listen to the radio doc: Listen Here

Following along a move.