Everything in stages

After spending a day story boarding her life, I took another step into the direction of writing a one woman show about my grandmother, Joan Francis Goodday Lugar by beginning that first draft.

Because of her importance in my life and the weight she carries, I have found myself caught between the urge to see this fantastic, complex and very straight forward woman characterized on stage in her many facets and the anxiety that I will get it all wrong and not serve her story properly.

I press on.

Baby steps have been taken to start taking the storyboard onto paper and I have given myself this year to meander in pulling it together. I trust that I will be able to see that final first draft by late autumn of this year and begin to hone it after.

What I see when I look at the photos of her, is a strong capable, woman who was beyond her time. She was sharp as she was tender and quippy as she was also observant.

I am going to level with you.

I am not out to be the next hit Canadian performance.

I think, that itself as the goal, distracts from the whole point of it. 

The pressures we allow to be put on ourselves internally and externally are insurmountable.  They sit on us and tell us how unworthy we are and how our attempts are always going to pale in comparison to anothers.

Here it is:

I want to be so focused on honing my craft, creating true and resonating pieces of work that the distractions fall away.  That I surround myself with what I need to be empowered enough to press in and keep on carving away at something I truly believe in.

I am pursuing characters whom I truly love and adore.  I am their advocate and their biggest champion.  I want to see them breathe in the mediums I have chosen for them and I remain hard at work bringing them into the place they need to be.

That is what it's about.  Not the recognition, not the networking, the support or the lack thereof.  It's about the voices that have been given life through the work and whom made it past the cutting room floor into a place of story. 
 

1.How would you describe yourself? 

In progress…. Constantly evolving creatively, professionally, as a parent, wife, woman and human being. 

2.What role does creativity play in your life? 

Creativity is a craving of honesty, truth. Being creative is when I feel closest to God and my true self. 

3.What are you currently working on? 

I am always writing poetry… interesting words or ideas on slips of paper, lines of a poem in whatever journal I am carrying around, complete poems in a folder on my iPad. 

As a drama teacher, I often have some sort of production idea brewing… currently a piece using black and white makeup, to give the look of an old black and white film, as well as one on the history of Fultz House, a historic manor located in the town I teach in. 

More specifically, I am writing my first novel. 

4.What was the last book/movie/podcast etc. that left an impression on you? 

I recently finished reading “Love Warrior” by Glennon Melton Doyle. Wow! It is the most loving and compassionate feminist manifesto I’ve ever experienced. It confirmed many things I knew already and encouraged me to love myself even more profoundly. 

5.What advice would you give to other creatively driven people? 

Creativity takes time. You have to schedule it in. When I leave it to chance, the ideas get frustrated with me and they take off, but if I take the time to write them down as they make themselves known, I can do more, write more, create more.  
Also, it’s important to book time in your schedule. For me, predominantly creative through writing, I am happiest when I have a regular time in my routine to read, write, walk, meditate and so on. I live a chaotic and loud life as a drama teacher and mom to two boys, so scheduled “me” time, reflective, quiet time and time to sit my ass in a chair and write is not just crucial, but where I find balance and peace.

Megan and I met in High School where we bonded over our love for theatre, writing and our little posse of friends.  Megan not only has developed her passion for theatre and writing into her professional adult life, she is a living example of what being a woman dedicated to the love of her craft is.  She is passionate, and stays true to herself and that has been and still is something that moves me.  Make sure to check out CSArt Ottawa and anytime she has work in your area.

How would you describe yourself?

I’m a playwright. I also like to write non-fiction. I’m a theatre director. I also started a small art business called CSArt Ottawa, which I guess makes me an entrepreneur. I’m a creative facilitator who specializes in adapting drama activities to diverse settings and groups.

This is a hard question. There are so many ways I would like to describe myself. I’m a person who, through profession, curiosity, and luck, has ended up in many very interesting rooms with fascinating groups of people. Businesspeople, statespeople, politicians, government workers, artists, activists, academics, people with disabilities, people who work in social services, faith leaders of different religions. Very rich people and very poor people, people with a huge amount of privilege and people who are severly underprivileged. I end up in very interesting conversations, and I switch hats a lot. I like to think of my artistic work as a condensation of these experiences, as a poetry that comes through me from the accumulation of the stories I hear and witness.

But that’s probably not the whole truth. It’s only poetry on the very best rare occasions. I end up writing about myself a lot more than I intend to. In some ways, you are only really writing about yourself.

What role does creativity play in your life?

It’s everything I do that is in any way worthwhile. Loving takes creativity. Getting up in the morning and finding a way to make yourself useful in the world takes a huge amount of creativity.

What are you currently working on?

I am writing a play right now inspired by my experiences working in social housing. It is my MFA thesis, due in 3 weeks(!). I am sure it won’t be truly finished for a while though… the theme is help, and how complicated it is to give and receive help. It takes a long time to think it through… I’m looking forward to taking a break from it because it makes me sad to sit down and write it, every time. Once it’s passed in, I’m going to go back to writing my play about virtual reality and the corporate tech world, because reading and writing about the crazy VR/AR technology and AI stuff going down right now makes me happy.

I’m also working on getting the second season of CSArt Ottawa launched! That’s a completely different creative task, curating and producing other people’s work. I’m enjoying it even more than I thought I would. It’s quite satisfying to find artists I believe in, give them resources for their work, and promote them. There’s very little ego in it for me, just the joy of gathering people and showing work.

And I recently took a day job in pursuit of a ‘parallel career’, a place to use my skills in other worthwhile ways while also taking the financial pressure off of my art work. I think there’s a real stigma around artists having day jobs; that it’s somehow an admission of defeat, or that your work suddenly becomes a hobby rather than a vocation. I think that’s terribly unfair. I have no regrets. I’m working with cool people on a cool project, learning new things, meeting new people. It is having a positive effect on my art work and my life.

What was the last book/movie/podcast etc. that left an impression on you?

I’m over halfway through reading The Idiot by Fyodor Doestoyevski. I had to stop for a while because it was breaking my heart.

It’s amazing that a 46-year-old Russian man from the late-1800s wrote something that a 27-year-old Canadian woman now can feel so connected to. That’s magic. It gives me hope right now when to me the world feels like it’s going to fall apart at any moment. I read the news almost every day, and then I read novels as an antidote to hopelessness.

What advice would you give to other creatively driven people?

Find your people. Collaborators whose work you believe in, and who believe in your work, are incredibly valuable. Honour those relationships.

It doesn’t matter how much money you make from your work, only how much heart you put into it, how hard you work on making it as perfect as possible, how much you try to learn, how honest you are with yourself, and how well this all connects with other people.