Heres the dang honest truth!

I don't know what I am doing until I am doing it.
Showing up for 'the work' is often how I find out what 'it' is.
If binging on Netflix made me happy for long periods of time, I would do that instead. 

With that in mind, now you need to know:

Making work that is collaborative, insights discussion, and creates vulnerability is my happy place and motivation.  I will do anything to keep on that track.  In fact, when I am not on that track I am miserable.  I get anxious, unhappy, fidgety and restless and destructive.

Thats what you need to know about yourself.  What is your true motivation for anything?  Once you tap into that, aligning your life and decisions with your motivations will create an amazing burst of energy.

Self - awareness is motivations best counsellor.  You can know all there is to know about something, but if you aren't self aware enough to take a step back and see what is taking away your motivation to be enjoying, doing, creating... then you miss out on that boost to go farther.

For me?  I just work on showing up everyday for that time that I have been given.  On a good day, I don't overthink it or get caught up in the "who the heck do I think I am concept."  I just show up and do.  There will always be a little person on your shoulder trying to whisper in your ear that nothing you do is going to create a difference.  Our job isn't to live without that little person, but to acknowledge it's presence and that everyone has one.  Every single person in this world lives with that self-doubt and when we recognize that humanity, we recognize how silly it is to get caught up in our own importance, our own ego and self-bigness.

You are called to show up to what you feel you are called and led to do.  That is it.  Show up, and maintain enough self-awareness that reminds you of your calling and that no matter what part you are playing it is an important part.  

And if you happen to look over your shoulder after a while and see how far you've travelled, do yourself a favour:  acknowledge it, give thanks for it, and then get back to work. 

Childs Pose

I've been learning these past ten years that my vulnerability is what makes me not only stronger, but courageous and real.  Being vulnerable is a refining process and with every step out in bravery that I have taken has lead me here.  I wouldn't trade those risks, those times of despair, heart aches, disappointments or lessons learned for the comfort of staying in my seat.

I feel deeply, I live deeply and because of that, I believe I am called to be deeply vulnerable.  
Even when, I would rather not. 

As I cancelled an event I deeply wanted to see happen, I cracked open Brené Browns book "Rising Strong" and began to read her opening pages.  The timing of reading her words was inspired and I believe I was kept from reading this book until now.  Because now is when I needed it.

"I want to be in the arena.  I want to be brave with my life.  And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked.  We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both.  Not at the same time.
Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.  Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage." - Brené Brown  
 

So, I poured coffee this morning after doing yoga with my almost two year old, cracked open my journal and began to write about how I am still in this.  That being vulnerable and falling is part of this whole process.

I am here and working on these projects for a purpose and that purpose isn't defined or decided by a simple cancelation, or words of critique.  My job is stay grounded, stay on the surf board and ride the wave.  

I choose courage.  I choose vulnerability.